If you aint got love
by nazna-san
Summary: Lumpu's crankiness just got the whole camp cursed by the Leakey Lake Spirit. Oh, what are the scouts to do... other than hook him up with Acorn Flats new Den mother. But can Jane fall in love with an unlovable moose-man? Beauty and the Beast... sort of.
1. His Moosey Fate

**A/N - A little explanation is probably in order. You see, i was talked into writing this for a good friend of mine and she refussed to leave me alone until i did it. So here it is. Now leave me alone!!!! This is only one of five Camp Lazlo stories i plan to do. If you like Beauty and the Beast and Camp Lazlo, then hopefully you'll like this story. If not... stop reading right now.**

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**Ch1**

"**His Moosey Fate"**

The night was growing more chilly with the promise of rain on the horizon, painting the Prickly Pine woods into a very spooky picture that none had seen in decades. Thick, foreboding clouds quickly rolled in over Pimple Back Mountain, blotting out the starry night sky above.

Not a soul stood out in this weather, everyone preferring to stay snuggled inside to enjoy the warmth and security in their cabins rather then see the lightening spectacle that seemed to grow more intense by the minute.

The first rain droplets fell soon after a mighty boom gave Camp Kidney a good shake, pounding harder and harder until the only thing visible through the haze was the distant glow from fellow cabin windows.

"It's really raining cats and dogs out there." A tall figure grumbled from behind his mug, gulping his hot coco one mouthful at a time. He smacked his lips when he downed the last drop, feeling all cozy reclining against his chair with both feet propped on his desk.

The shorter man in the room was also looking out into the almost indefinable scene outside. A worried expression crossed his features, his grip upon his clipboard growing firmer. "Sir, don't you think we should check on the scouts? I've never seen a storm this violent and-"

"Now, now Slinkman," Scoutmaster Lumpus interjected, "I'm sure they couldn't be happier fending for themselves. That's what campin's about after all. We don't want to spoil their fun… And I don't feel like getting wet for those annoying little-" Slinkman gave a sidelong glare, forcing his boss to swallow his last complaint. "Ahem. As I was saying… a little rain never hurt anyone."

Slinkman was still not convinced, returning his attention to the storm. Something about those clouds, the violence brewing outside, made an apprehensive shiver trickle up his spine. There was something wrong. Horribly wrong about tonight. He felt it in his very bones.

Still, even he did have a dread feeling in his gut, he wasn't given much time to dwell on it.

Algonquin Lumpus banged his mug on the desk, catching his assistants attention. "Be a dear and fetch me a refill. With _extra _marshmallows this time."

The mistreated assistant huffed some of his red hair from his eyes, giving a defeated, "Yes sir," as a response.

"Oh, and while you're in the kitchen, make me a turkey/ham/chicken cheese sandwich with a potpie slice on the side. And make it snappy, will ya."

"Yes sir." Slinkman rolled his eyes, taking up the mug to crawl dejectedly down the hall. "Some days just aren't worth it." The poor lackey moaned softly to himself, going about his tasks as if he were on auto-pilot.

Lumpus, on the other hand, reclined even more in his chair, throwing his hands behind his head with a smirk. _This is the life_, he repeated to himself, loving every minute he was Scoutmaster. He barely had to lift a finger around this place - pushing most of the responsibilities onto his assistant who, by all rights, did more and was severally under paid. But Lumpus wasn't going to tell him that any time soon. Oh no, why buy the cow when you could get the bugger to work practically for free. "Hehe."

Algonquin reached behind to flick his radio on, flipping through the stations until stopping on a catchy country favorite. "Rocky Top, you'll always be, home sweet home to meEEEEEE."

_Kitchen_

Slinkman cringed, breaking a plate and having his gritted teeth crack to hear his boss sing all the wrong notes. He then sighed upon noticing his soufflé fidget, then flop. "Like I said," He shook his head, "just not worth it."

_Back in the office_

Lumpus began to wave his fingers to the beat, exerting more energy than he had in an entire month. That is… until the music's signal faded out due to weather interference. "Rocky Ta - Hey, wait a minute." He turned his disgruntled brown eyes to the radio, resorting to slamming a fist onto its top. This did nothing to improve the situation, resulting in crackling the sound, bending the antennae and, eventually, spluttering a speaker out to pop the man right in the face.

"Slinkman! Have you been messin with this doo-hickey again?"

"No, sir." The assistant hollered in response. "It was perfectly fine this morning. Maybe the storms-"

Lumpus continued to smack the helpless electronic around, ignoring his assistants explanations, finally snatching it from the cabinet to send it hurling into a nearby wall. "Yeah, that'll learn ya to be useless." He continued to shake a determined fist at the shattered machine, though his victory was short lived. He had certainly proven he was mightier than a hand-held radio. Yet there wasn't much for him to do _after _triumphing over the device.

Folding his arms tightly across his chest, the winded man harrumphed. And what made things even worse was the fact he had that blue grass song stuck in his head. There was just no way to get it out without hearing the end. Curse his rotten luck.

Lumpus groaned, now becoming bored waiting on that slug to deliver his after-dinner snack. "Slinkman," he whined, "I've got hunger pains. What's taking so long? There's nothing to do." -A light knock resonated from the front door- "And there's someone at the door."

"Well, I'm a little busy right now."

The soft knocking persisted.

The Scoutmaster tapped a finger impatiently the longer nothing was done about the intruder. He finally had enough, snorting his way to the door, flinging it open to scream, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

He half expected to find Lazlo standing on the front porch, or even a Bean scout. Instead, his focus fell on a crooked looking old lady shivering underneath her shawl. Her face was weather worn, helpless, with a touch of warts and hairy moles dotting along her chin and nose. She was soaked from head to toe, her hapless gaze arching upward to make out the much taller individuals features. (Lumpus not being much prettier by any standards either.)

Algonquin arched a brow in confusion, wondering how and why some strange woman was out in the storm. And more importantly, why she was pestering _him_. "And you are?"

"Oh my…" She began in a fragile voice, tightening her grip upon both her shawl and small paddle (which she used for a cane), "I'm just a frail old thing. M-my car broke down just a little ways away, leaving me stranded in the rain."

Lumpus yawned into his open hand, cringing away from the stooped old bitty when she made a move to enter his cabin. "I was wondering if I might come in to use your-"

"Sorry lady, no phone here." He broke in hastily, inching the door shut.

"But I wont trouble you for long. Please sir, I'm very cold and tired. My legs wont hold me up for much long-"

"What's that Slinkman? There's a walrus loose in the kitchen."

Slinkman popped his head out to give a queer look, aware Lumpus was making excuss's - like always. The Scoutmaster shrugged his shoulders, ushering the old woman to stand aside, "Well, you heard the man, so… gotta go." And with that he promptly slammed the door.

Slinkman happened to be standing there, seeing the entire thing, removing his maid apron as Lumpus headed back to his office, "Who was that at the door?"

"Huh? Oh, no one important." Algonquin mumbled, dusting his hands off.

This didn't convince his assistant in the least, the shorter male side stepping his boss to take a gander for himself. He was shocked and appalled when he discovered the elder still there, trembling even harder when the wind blew against her hunched backside. "Holy bean! How could you just leave this poor lady out in the cold? Why, she's almost blue."

Algonquin simply shrugged, seating himself in his comfy chair. Slinkman took no time to help escort their "guest" into the living room area, racing past the Scoutmaster's office to fetch her something hot to drink. What he grabbed was the first thing he saw, which happened to be none other than his boss's mug. "Here, miss. Have some coco."

"Coco?" Lumpus squeaked, scrambling to see _his _drink being handed to that strange, ugly croon. Dashing the distance, he swiped the coco in-between transaction from hand to hand, slurping down the contents in three mighty gulps.

"Scoutmaster Lumpus! What on earth are you doing?"

"She's not getting my coco. It's miiiine."

This left both the assistant and woman to stare blankly at the grown man having a conniption fit. Slinkman at least had the decency to reassure the stupefied elder, taking her drenched shawl and offering a warm blanket in return. "Thank you, dearie. That would be lovely."

But again, Lumpus wasn't going to have any of it. He immediately seized his assistant by the arm, pointing to the door, "No. No, no, no, no! We don't have a phone, we don't have coco and we don't have blankets. Now get out. NOW!"

"How can you be so heartless?" She asked, backing away from the man that now had a diabolical glare directed right at her. "Look lady, I don't know who you think you are barging into _my _camp, demanding to use _my _things when I was just startin to get comfy, but rest assured I don't put up with weirdo's like you."

"Sir!" Slinkman yelped, yet his blood soon froze towards the snarl he received from his outburst, fearfully glancing back and forth between the two people. His sudden bout of defiance quickly deserted him, the lanky assistant remembering quite well the last time he had stood up against Lumpus's cruelty; hating how his superior bullied him into submission with his larger stature and strength.

Slinkman slowly began to back away from the selfish middle aged man, somewhat relieved but mostly ashamed at his cowardice when it came to Lumpus's childish tantrums.

The old woman hardly flinched when the Scoutmaster advanced on her, seeming to grow calmer the angrier her advisory became. "Out. You want help, go back the way you came."

"So that's how it is. You're just going to toss me out into the elements because I'm cutting in on your leisure time?"

"Yeah, ya got a problem with that, Quasimoto?"

Her appearance darkened, making her unsightly features more terrifying to behold. "I would think long and hard about your decision right now, young sir. Your heartless ways may be your undoing and-"

"Blah, blah, blah, and a whole bunch of other gobbeldy-gook. You," he pointed at the hag, "get off my property. And you," his attention on Slinkman, "Get my food."

"Mmm… b-b-but…" He knew his job was on the line by the glower he received, thus slumping his shoulders and letting loose a defeated sigh, "yes, sir." Slinkman whimpered, giving a sympathetic glance from behind his curly red bangs to the woman as he trudged obediently to the kitchen.

Lumpus was in the process of shoving her back out the door, until she seemed to exert strength that shouldn't belong to someone so delicate looking. "Very well," She grumbled, shaking off his hold, "you leave me no choice. I see you care for nothing and no one, not even your own scouts by the looks of this shabby excuse for a camp. You even harass this gentle hearted fellow who only wished to assist a poor elder such as myself."

"Listen lady, the only thing poor about you is your appearance." Lumpus bit back.

This accomplished in making the woman even more enraged, smacking his hands with her paddle, "You know, there's a few choice words I'd like to call you right about now but I'll refrain on behalf you'd probably take them as compliments. There's not the slightest hint of love or kindness in you, not even a shred. You're nothing but a… a big, selfish brute!"

"Why, thank you." Lumpus actually sounded flattered, sending the woman to growl in further frustration. "You see! I can't believe I even tried. There's nothing left for me to do but deal out your just reward."

Lumpus eyes instantly lit up towards that. "A reward? Well, why didn't you say so before?"

"Oh, you'll get yours all right." And with that she retrieved from nowhere a rather large hourglass, trickling purple sand from the top to bottom.

The Scoutmaster's original smile flopped, the disappointment clearly visible in his expression alone. "This is it?" He inquired, tapping the moose horned contraption, "You're giving me an egg timer?"

"It's an hourglass, you dolt!"

"Same difference."

"On the contrary." She sneered, "_This _is a magical hourglass that will-"

Lumpus gave one forceful shove, ending their conversation and leaving her to fall head first into the mud outside.

He made the crucial mistake in believing his dealings with the croon were finished; nearly leaping out of his skin when he heard a sharp hiss resonate all around the cabin. The floor boards soon began to rattle, the ground shaking, the window panes cracking, forcing the Scoutmaster to his scruffy knee's. "Slinkman! What did you do?"

His assistant didn't have a clue as to what was going on, he, to, was knocked to his hands and knees; dropping the food on the kitchen floor.

The lights instantly began to flicker, finally giving out, swallowing the entire camp in a dark cocoon. Only the lightning in the sky illuminated the area, flashing violently, hitting odd things outside to send sparks spraying every which way.

Slinkman was the first to regain his balance when the sounds of the screaming scouts caught in his ears, zooming to the back door just in time to see the splitting ground vein through Camp Kidney. The once dormant volcano that shadowed them all rumbled like a rising giant, expelling an ear splitting roar that broke through the scouts terrified voices. "Stay calm, Bean scouts. Head for the bus, immediately. We're evacuating."

When Slinkman went to check on the Scoutmaster, he found him huddled underneath the coffee table, sucking his thumb. "Sir, we have to get out of here. The volcano's gonna blow!"

No amount of pushing, pulling or reasoning could dislodge Lumpus from his hiding place. Not even the promise of a big juicy steak.

"Don't be alarmed," came an unfamiliar feminine voice from behind. Both men turned amidst the insanity to see the old woman who, somehow, had managed to get back into the cabin. The hourglass was still clutched in her gnarled hand, her expression calm despite the combined catastrophes raging outside.

With a wave from her paddle, her posture was soon upright, her limbs growing slender and lithe, losing the wrinkles, moles and other unsightly traits that made her hard to look upon. It was as if the ugliness melted away, leaving a beautiful woman with fair skin and gentle features. But her eyes were far from gentle when they focused onto Lumpus's cowardly display, hardening into both ice and stone, sending her lips to curl in a mocking sneer. "My, my. Aren't we the brave one in the face of danger."

"Slinkman… did that old woman just transform?"

"Yes sir."

Lumpus stilled seemed astonished. "And does she look angry to you?"

"Yes sir."

"You shouldn't have ticked her off."

Both Slinkman and the now youthful woman glared peevishly at the bumbling Scoutmaster. "You idiot! It's _you _I'm upset with." She slammed her paddle on the ground, magically propelling the coffee table to fly across the room; leaving Lumpus exposed.

"Um… uh… what can I say? Y-you caught me at a bad time." Algonquin stuttered, slowly coming to his feet yet still cowering behind his much smaller assistant.

"You certainly are the most pathetic specimen I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. In all my life, I've never met someone so vile, so despicable, so… so… there isn't even an appropriate word to describe the spineless sleaze that you are."

"Hey, I resent tha-"

"Be silent. You're voice is grinding on my last nerve." She simply waved a finger at him, which resulted in clamping his mouth tightly shut and forbidding him to open it again no matter how hard he tried.

Slinkman, taking this opportunity to step forward, tried to rationalize, "Please, Ms. … uh, Ms. …"

"The Leakey Lake Spirit." She offered.

"Uh… yes, Ms. Leakey Lake Spirit. Take no offense to Scoutmaster Lumpus's behavior. He treats everyone this way and-"

"That is exactly why I'm here." She carefully set the hourglass aside, lessoning the natural disasters so that she may be heard. "For years I've seen this creature reap misery everywhere he wanders. Prickly Pine Woods, Leakey Lake… he misuses and abuses everything, destroying delicate ecosystems for no other reason other than to sate his boredom. Well, I'm sick of it, and the other spirits of this region are too."

Lumpus began to tremble even harder the louder her voice became. His grip upon Slinkman was so tight the poor man had to dig his boss's nails from his shoulders. "Ms. Leakey Lake Spirit, forgive Scoutmaster Lumpus."

"And why should I? Give me one good reason… no, scratch that. Tell me one - just one -time he did anything for someone else."

"Well…"

"And he didn't expect to get anything in return."

Slinkman, of course, was stumped. He didn't remember Lumpus _ever _being nice to anyone and he certainly never went out of his way to help those in need. The assistant had to admit defeat, which only sent the Lake Spirit to sigh along with him for she also couldn't recall Lumpus display a kinder side.

Well… that wasn't entirely true. He had shown a crack in his hateful personality only once when he was a boy; he being a Bean scout at this very camp. It was a faint memory of him sitting on the lakes shore, skipping rocks on the water, sniffling sadly after parents day had come and gone. He had been alone the entire day, glancing every now and then over his shoulder to see his fellow campers smile and laugh with their mom's and dad's; leaving him with no one at all.

Perhaps there was more to this man. She was always a firm believer in the philosophy that there was good in everyone and, in fact, was not a spiteful person as she may appear now.

But the other spirits, the one's who had sent her on this errand, expected results. And she couldn't ignore the cruelty this man had shown her when first arriving.

The Leakey Lake Spirit had no choice regarding Lumpus's fate. Though he may be a despicable fellow due to shotty upbringing, he was a grown man now and he had to face the consequences.

So, with a heavy heart, the spirit rose the paddle above her head, seeming to exchange her earlier heated expression for a more sympathetic one.

Lumpus was desperately shaking his head from side to side, throwing himself to the ground, landing on his knee's in front of her, holding his hands up in pray to beseech her compassion.

She could faintly understand his apologetic mumbles, but she could also detect the lies underneath them too. He wasn't the least bit sorry for the dastardly deeds he had committed, only wanting to save face and avoid what ever penalty she would unleash upon him.

It was enough she started to rethink what it was she had in mind to do to him, considering to teach him a lesson rather then giving him a life spent in misery. (Though he would feel a great deal of misery either way.)

Eventually, she decided on the appropriate course, swirling the paddle repeatedly over his head.

Sparks soon began to crackle around his body, her movement became faster, intangible words slipping from her lips. The only thing she truly regretted about this curse was that it would engulf the entire camp, making the innocent suffer right along with the guilty party.

But what she started could not be undone. At least, not until the spell was broken.

The sparks quickly absorbed deep into Lumpus's fleshy skin, contorting him in unimaginable ways. The pain was almost to much for him to handle, especially when it felt as though his head was an egg shell splitting on both sides. He howled many times, breaking through the silencing spell, panting heavily when the sparks sliced back out of his body and infect the rest of the camp.

Slinkman, who had been a helpless observer, also succumbed to the magic, doubling over, his eyes burning, throat hoarse from the agonizing screams.

The same could be heard throughout Camp Kidney, the Leakey Lake Spirit closing her eyes to try and tune out the terrible noise she had created. When at last all became quiet again, she bent to become eye level with the still kneeling Lumpus. "You brought this upon yourself. The rules for your curse are as follows…"

Lumpus was still a little disorientated, only able to breath and listen.

"We spirits will make it very difficult for you or your camp to be disturbed. It is part of your punishment for disregarding life."

"Wh… what have you done?"

"I've only made your outside appearance match the inside. As for everyone else… they will share in your curse so that when ever you look upon their faces, you will remember that it is your fault they must suffer." She stood then, extending her arm to the hourglass that now began to glow, "This will be your reminder that time is precious. When it's sand runs out… you will die."

Lumpus's eyes soon shot wide open, his jaw nearly hitting the floor. He quickly stood, following the woman when she headed for the door, "No, I'm to young to kick the bucket. There's so much I haven't seen, so much I haven't done. I'm to young to… wait a minute. I don't feel any different. Why, I feel fit as a fiddle. I-" The spirit spun him around to face the wall mirror, ending his protest's dead in their tracks.

He ran a disbelieving hand down his long, hairy face, feeling around his muzzle, then his antlers, beginning to tear up to see she had turned him into a MOOSE! Plus, the horns had ripped his hat.

A faint groan came from behind, the Scoutmaster glancing to see his trusty assistant wobbly stand and was now a yellow slug.

Lumpus gave a girly yelp, backing up into the spirit. "This has to be a dream. No, a nightmare!"

"'Fraid not." She said.

"Then you have to change me back." He shook her a little, panicking, "I cant run a camp when I'm a moose. I have to be my handsome human self or else Commander Hoo-Haw will mount my butt to the wall for sure."

The spirit shrugged her shoulders, seeing Bean scouts running out into the destroyed camp either with joy or horror they were all various animals. "I always wanted to be a monkey." One shouted.

Lumpus, by now, was biting off every nail, not knowing what to do or how to fix this. Slinkman was also having a hard time adjusting to his new body, having to use a chair for balance.

"If you ever wish to be normal again, the cure is… well… not that simple for you I'm afraid."

"Anything, anything. I'll do anything!" Lumpus was practically hysterical.

The Leakey Lake Spirit shook him off again, taking a deep breath, "If you can learn to love another-" the Scoutmasters hopes slightly rose, "and earn _their _love in return… without bribes or cheating!-" _I'm screwed_, "then the spell will be broken. If not, hehe, you know what will happen." And in just a mere blink, she vanished out the door, returning to the unknown, leaving both males with mouths agape and staring blankly at where she once stood.

After a minute or two, and no one said anything, Lumpus took it upon himself to mutter, "Slinkman."

"Yes, sir."

"Fetch me a casket."


	2. Help Wanted

**NOTICE!!! **

**I've moved the original chapter 2 and made it 3. I felt this needed to be written, since it's the conversation between Mrs. Doe and Commander Hoo-Haw regarding her new employment. It's kinda funny, and Hoo-Haw may be a little OOC, but it's still humorous. Jane at least takes his flirtation like a soldier, even though she's nervous as all hell. But still, I think this was needed to make the story stronger.

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**Chapter 2**

"**Help Wanted"**

_3 years later_

"So, it says here you're looking for a permanent job."

"Yes, that's correct, sir." Came a soft, hesitant voice to answer the much deeper one. The woman across the desk nervously fiddled with her hands, gulping several times to try and keep her trembles barely noticeable. It had been a long time since she had been in an interview, making her ask herself if she had been this frazzled when she had applied for Sheik Magazine seven years ago.

Her thoughts were put on hold when the buff military officer shuffled some papers containing her information, clearing his throat before he spoke, "You seem to hold outstanding credentials. Never been charged for a misdemeanor, not even a traffic ticket. A spotless record."

"Oh, thank you."

He brought his calculating brown eyes up to her, smiling a little when she placed a loose strand of blond hair behind her ear. "From what I gather, Ms. Doe, you're a hard worker. And spunky, with just the right amount of flare. We could use someone of your determination and unique…" His attention dropped to her bust line, "expertise."

Jane immediately followed to where his vision fell, grinding her teeth to keep her tongue in check. She hated how men looked at her like she were an item rather than a person. Something to ogle and drool over (no matter how flattering it was some times).

She quickly straitened her back, placing a little more strength into her voice in order to draw his focus back to her face, "Yes, but I also mentioned in the application that my skills are… how should I put this? underdeveloped."

"Not from what I can see." His comments true meaning not being lost to her.

The blond buttoned her blouses top button, gaining a slightly disappointed pout from Commander Hoo-Haw. "I'm a fairly fast learner," she went on to say, "and am quite ready to take on any challenge thrown my way."

Hoo-Haw nodded approvingly at this, glancing back to her papers, mumbling an 'I bet', under his breath. "Then tell me why else you made such a drastic career change. It's obviously not for higher wages."

Jane went a little pale, averting her eyes, not wanting to divulge the entire truth to a man that seemed more interested in her body rather than her thoughts. And when it came to reasons behind her prior jobs resignation… well… she was embarrassed to admit that even to her family. "I… you see…" -_Breath, composure. Fake smiles, Jane _-"I've always wanted to go to camp, even as a girl. My parents, on the other hand, thought it best to send me to etiquette schools during the summer instead. They preferred I work on my education and such, but I've always had a longing to work with children and be in the country."

"That's a very good response."

_Thank you, it's mostly true too. _She thought.

"And what a lovely sweater by the way."

_Oh Lord, help me. _Jane rolled her eyes, inwardly screaming in disgust. "If you want, I can give you the stores address so you can buy one for yourself." The sarcasm was covered by her cutesy act, making the Commander snicker, then file her application into a cabinet only to retrieve further papers. "You'll make a fine addition to the Squirrel Camp. They could use some good ole fashion charm."

"But my scouting skills-?"

"Like you said before, you'll learn. Every cabin is fitted with a Camp Manual. Besides, Ms. Mucus, or the other staff members, can help you with any questions you might have."

"Mucus?"

"Yes, a fine, hard working woman. She's been the Den mother's assistant for the Squirrel Camp for… well… ever since it opened."

"Shouldn't she be the one to run it then… and I become the assistant? I mean, it's only appropriate that someone with more experience be promoted-" Jane was slightly confused.

Commander Hoo-Haw waggled his eye brows towards the irked woman, leaning one elbow on the redwood desk, "Now where's the fun in that, Jane?"

"Riiiight." She got his intentions loud and clear. "And it's Ms. Doe, if you please."

The well built man gave a hardy chuckle, pushing the contract towards her. "You'll find out things run quite different here, Jane. I guarantee this job will change your life forever."

"So I get the job?"

His smirk broadened, casting a sinister look upon him. "Of course."


	3. Campfire Stories

**This chapter is ultimatly the same, save for the beginning, since the new chapter 2 pretty much establishes Ms. Doe already. The only things i really changed here was Jane and Ms. Mucus's relationship. You see a much more aggitated side to Ruebella Mucus when it comes to her new superior.

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**Chapter 3**

"**Campfire Stories"**

"All right scouts, everyone settle down." Jane gathered the scampering, squealing Squirrel scouts by the flag pole, gesturing for them to listen and be seated. She didn't have much luck though, the adolescent girls being too occupied chattering amongst themselves; disregarding the new, soft spoken woman entirely.

"Scouts? Scouts, please… uh…" Sweat began to bead along the blond's brow, her nerves getting the better of her the longer she was ignored. She knew this was going to be difficult, but Hoo-Haw never mentioned how disobedient the girls could actually be.

She soon discover there was a lot that he didn't mention.

A much more burly woman stepped in front of the new Den mother, drawing in a deep breath to shout, "Shut yer mouths and sit yer keesters DOWN!"

Silence immediately filled the air, all the girls quickly scurrying to find a seat, full attention glued on the two adults towering over the troop. "Um, thank you Ms. Mucus."

A grumble was all the Jane received, she immediately slapping a smile in place, attempting to display a carefree disposition, "Now, I'd just like to say hello to all you sweet looking little Squirrel's. I'd also like to introduce myself to you as well. So hi, my names Ms. Jane Doe, and I'll be your new Den mother for the rest of the summer, 'kay? Wont that be fun? So, if you have any questions, just raise your hand and I'll-"

Many hands instantly hit the air, making Jane's grin grow even bigger, "I see some people want to ask something. You. Yes you in the blue… out… fit." She giggled to see all the girls wearing the exact same uniform. "I mean the tall one with the glass's. Say your name, please, so I can remember you."

"Yeah, uh…hello. My names Nina Neckerly, and I was wondering how long you plan on working here?"

"I hope to stay as long as possible, Nina."

"I know," Nina muttered, "but our Den mother's don't last very long so I was just wanting to know if I should bother remembering your name."

_That certainly is reassuring_. Jane thought, her grin slipping a few notches to hear agreeable responses from the other scouts. She glanced over at Ms. Mucus, who by now was seated in a foldable chair reading Mechanics Digest magazine and not paying the least bit attention to the conversation.

"Um, I cant really say much about the others who've worked here before but let me assure you that yes, you should learn my name because I'm not going anywhere any time soon. I'm here to stay."

"That's what the last one said." Mucus mumbled, flipping a page.

Jane chocked a little, suddenly feeling awkward standing in front of all the gawking girls that obviously doubted her permanency. She quickly pointed to another scout in hopes to relieve the tension, silently praying it wasn't a question similar to the one before it. "You, with the poofy hair."

"My names Patsy, Patsy Smiles. What did you do before you came here and if you quit , can you go back?"

"I… well you see, I used to work in a city, which will be unnamed, and I left my job, for reasons which will also be unnamed, and I-"

"Did you kill someone?" a girl with a sever under bite asked, nearly on the edge of her seat to know.

"No, it would have been nice to, but no, I didn't kill that lying snake. But that's neither here nor there. I really _do _want to stay here in Acorn Flats with all you lovely little ladies. My past is… well, the past. (Insert awkward laughter) And all of you are my future."

The Squirrel scouts seemed to accept that shady explanation, though most still appeared a little skeptical. And for good reason. From what Jane had overheard from the towns people, ever since this camp opened one summer ago they'd had all kinds of problems keeping staff. Some even whispered the entire area was cursed, which seemed to be the main excuse for anomalies or missing items around Prickly Pines.

Some things she brushed off as being superstitious, others frazzled her nerves, knocking her confidence down the totem pole; especially when she stood before her scouts scrutinizing eyes. They couldn't really be as bad as everyone said they were… could they?

_Then again… most people did quit due to their uncooperative attitudes_.

A small few just up and left without a reason, or note of resignation, never to be seen or heard from again.

Jane, on the other hand, had made a solemn promise - and signed a contract - to not desert the campers like the others that came before her. (The latest one taking off half way through summer.) She wasn't one to give up, despite the fiasco that had her running from her last employment. But she was certain the same thing would not happen twice at this job because

A: She had learned her lesson.

And B: Her boss, Commander Hoo-Haw, wasn't her type… no matter what he thought.

The girls were eventually dismissed and filed out to fall back into their usual routines.

Jane let loose a relieved sigh.

"Thanks for all the help, Ms. Mucus."

"Whut ever."

"It's strange, even as a grown woman I still get stage fright around people. Isn't that the silliest thing?"

Mucus only snorted, having been giving the new Den mother the cold shoulder since she got there.

"I-I really hope I eventually fit in here. It's always been my little dream to go to summer camp and, hehe, I guess I'm finally here. This should be very exciting."

"They can smell yer fear."

"Excuse me." Jane quizzically stared at the bullish looking assistant, not sure what to make of her statement.

"Them scouts'll pounce on any weakness's ya got. They've been known to do so before. If'n you be smart, you'll either get on outta here before ya go loony or crack down on the little varmints."

"Oh…"

"It's yer choice."

Jane actually took a step back, plastering on an awkward smile for her intimidating assistant. "I-I'm a firm believer in sparing the rod and spoiling the child, and that's exactly what I plan to do. These girls don't look like they need punishment… just some patience."

Ms. Mucus stared blankly at her boss. "If ya change yer mind, I left the Want Ads in yer cabin." And with that she practically threw the activities clipboard at the woman and left the new Den mother to her duties. Duties, Jane bemoaned, she had no clue on how to do and it seemed she was stuck to learn them by herself.

Jane gave one sweep around the camp site, lifted the list, and read all the things that were scheduled for today. What really baffled her the most were the limitations that were written down beside the activities. "Swimming at 3. But only 5 meters from the dock. Hiking at 5:30, a 50 foot circle around the camp. Crochet, painting, and marshmallow roasting after dinner." _What in the world? How do they expect the girls to have fun if they can barely leave?_

She knew Commander Hoo-Haw was strict - how else did he become a Commander?- but she had no idea he was _this _strict. It was no wonder the Squirrel scouts were in such sour moods. They were bored being stuck in camp day in and day out.

Jane held a puzzling expression.

Yet rules were rules she supposed, and the last thing she wanted to do was jump in to making a bad name for herself.

So, pasting her cheery smile on once again, Ms. Doe set out to make the best of this day and get to know the girls left under her care.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The day flew by fairly quickly, leaving the new Den mother exhausted chasing down a rampant robot Nina had created (forgetting to install an off switch on), keeping Gretchen from kicking sand in the other scouts faces and rescuing Almondine from drowning herself in water that barely touched her shoulders. Even Commander Hoo-Haw called, keeping her on the phone for at least 2 hours that could have been spent more productively.

As she had thought before, he just wasn't her type. To pushy. To stuffy. To… much her boss. Yet it seemed he was incapable of taking a hint and she had vowed not to snap on the first day.

All in all, Jane was thankful when night soon approached and the campers settled down for the marshmallow roast. They all entertained one another with spooky ghost stories, truth or dare and other silly things one does around a campfire.

"And then, the campers screams sailed above the trees." Gretchen stood on the log, towering over the others she shared her twisted tale with, "But when help finally arrived, it was too late. Their tent had already been trampled by the _WereMoose_. And the scouts," Gretchen chuckled, "were never seen again. SO BEWARE!!!"

Almondine skyrocketed from her seat, screaming in fright while Gretchen, along with many others, chuckled. "You shoulda seen your face. It was priceless." Even Jane thought it amusing, though she made an effort to help the still terrified girl back on the log. "What a good story, Gretch. Who else has one?"

"Oooooh ooooh, I do. I do." Patsy swiveled her hand around, excitedly bouncing up and down.

"Ug. It better not be about the curse on Camp Kidney again." Nina moaned, the other girls making their own bored sounds. This forced Patsy's excitement to trickle away; she dejectedly sitting back down.

Jane looked back and forth between the scouts, letting her green eyes fall sympathetically on the girl that now scrunched up towards her peers protests. "Now wait a minute. I've never heard of this Camp Kidney curse."

"Course not, that's why we're _all _gonna have to hear it again." Gretchen grouched, crossing her arms bitterly when Patsy cleared her throat. "Long ago-"

"It was three years ago, genius." Gretchen interrupted.

Patsy glared at her friend, starting again, "_Three _years ago, across the Leakey Lake, an evil storm rose up from the nether realm to engulf the inhabitants in Camp Kidney, our brother camp. It was so violent, the thunder shook the earth apart while the lightning exploded the top from the once dormant volcano overshadowing Prickly Pines. Lava poured down the mountain side, ash fell like dirty snow by the truck load. The Bean scouts had no warning, no time to escape, falling victim to the nastiest calamity to ever occur in the sleepy Pimple Back Mountains. Sadly, there were no survivors."

Patsy dramatically removed her hat, "No one was able to approach the camp. Not by road, since they were destroyed. Not by land, since the deadly briar bushes, with their poisonous thorns, encircle the camp. Not even by boat or air. The Leakey Lake monster is far too vicious. We can only see it from afar, using our telescopes and NASA satellites to see that the camp is completely destroyed."

Jane let her eyes fall, sniffling a bit to remember the incident. She, along with half the world, had seen the tragic eruption on the news. Even now she felt sorry for the families that had lost their sons, asking herself why life could be so cruel some times. "I certainly see why people think its haunted."

"But that's not the end of the story, Ms. Doe."

"There's more?"

"Of course." All the girls said in unison.

"You see, straaaaaange things started to happen soon after the incident. Unexplainable things. That area isn't just haunted by the dead scouts… it's _cursed_."

Almondine ducked her head, whispering, "Mutated wild animals are in the woods."

"They steal stuff when you aint looking." Gretchen threw in. "I lost a whole beef jerky collection to those jerks."

"They stole my dolly." Another girl whimpered.

"And worst of all," Patsy murmured, lowering her voice, "They watch us when we're showering."

"What?!" Jane barked, suddenly feeling quite protective of the girls virtue at that moment.

"Yeah. Commander Hoo-Haw tried erecting a giant security fence, like Prickly Pines did, but it never got finished." Everyone turned to the wire remains. "The monsters scared the workers away and stole all the equipment."

_It's amazing these girls parents keep sending them back_. Jane idly thought, shaking her head, then reprimanding herself for believing such wild stories. She was a grown woman for goodness sake. The very idea that mutated animals running amok made her laugh, causing most of the Squirrel scouts to exchange perplexed expressions.

"What's so funny, Ms. Doe?"

"Oh, nothing." The Den mother wiped a tear from her eye, feeling a stitch begin to form in her side, "I just think its funny to imagine _crazy _monsters stalking about. Oh, that was a good story. It's origins are morbid, but good."

The scouts, apparently, didn't think the thought of monsters lurking in the shadows was as amusing as she did, making their feelings known by angrily heading back to their cabins in pairs. After seeing the disgruntled and dirty looks of her campers, Jane felt like taking a mental katana and stabbing herself.

She sighed distantly, aware that all the trust she had built today now evaporated.

She was somewhat surprised when Patsy, Nina and Gretchen were still present. "You don't have to stay girls. I'll put the fire out here in a minute."

"It's okay Ms. Doe. We know you're trying." Nina beamed at her Den mother, actually starting to like the perky woman (especially after she had helped wrestle her robot down). "Everyone is skeptical when they first hear the Camp Kidney legend. Even I was at one time… until some of my tools went missing."

"It's normal not to believe it till you see it." Patsy offered, helping the slender blond to her feet.

"Maybe someday I will," Though she was doubtful, "but until then I'm mostly concentrating on getting into the Den mother groove. This is all still a little new to me. Hehe."

The three Squirrel scouts had to hand it to Ms. Doe, she at least tried her hardest to fit in and, as far as they could tell, she was a fairly likable person to begin with. They just hoped she didn't disappear like the last one. It was depressing to get attached to someone only to have them leave.

They all helped to pack up the remaining marshmallow bags, pouring water and dirt into the fire and taking the trash to the surrounding trash bins.

After Ms. Doe kindly walked the girls back to their cabin, wishing them a good night sleep, she all but raced to her own dwelling, ecstatic to finally see her new bed. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever set eyes on. Soft. Warm. She melted just looking at it.

Jane fell face first into the cushy blanket, possessing only enough energy to kick off her boots.

The woods, for the most part, were fairly quiet. There were no car horns pounding in her ears, no sirens or loud late night chattering from partying groups either. The only sounds that surrounded the exhausted woman came from the occasional owl hoot from the tree tops and the porches wind chimes twinkling in the breeze. The cabins creaking was barely even noticeable… and the scratching sound picking at her cracked window was only a minute annoyance.

_Wait… scratching?_

Jane bolted up right, turning her head towards the noise. From where she sat, there were defiantly dark figures lurking on the other side of the glass, maybe even three (it was hard to tell). What ever they were, or how many for that matter, she wasn't going to take any chances. Especially not after hearing all those stories about Camp Kidney.

Slowly reaching for her metal bat, Jane withdrew her weapon from behind her pillow, creeping silently.

They must have seen her coming for, when she threw open the window, prepared to swing, they vanished into the inky woods, giggling the entire time.

And did they just steal some marshmallows from the Food Terrace?


	4. Peeping Lumpus

**Chapter 3**

"**Peeping Lumpus"**

The Jelly cabin had remained empty all night.

While the other Bean scouts slept peacefully in their well-worn beds, Lazlo, Raj and Clam had defied curfew hours in order to enjoy a little time in the wilderness; not that they didn't like staying in Camp Kidney 24/7, they just felt the need to wander about unchaperoned. It's not like anyone would mind or notice.

But then again, when had the residence of Jelly cabin ever been right?

Slinkman had searched the Prickly Pine woods near to five hours before falling into an exhausted heap by the missing campers cabin, his energy reserves severally depleted with all the repair duties, babysitting the scouts, keeping everything livable _and _bidding to Scoutmaster Lumpus's needs.

To put it plainly, he wanted to pass out and not wake up until he was human again - if ever.

His lids slowly cracked open, however, when he heard the familiar voices belonging to the said disobedient scouts. He poked his eyes around the corner, watching a little peevishly as they tiptoed to their door, eating the marshmallows they had swiped from their sister camp and shushing one another to chew quietly. "Keep it down you guys," Raj whispered, "If we get caught again, Lumpus will make us lick the latrines clean."

"Oh, you worry to much." Lazlo smacked, "Besides, I doubt anyone noticed we were-"

"AH HA!" The slug immediately jumped out, shining the flashlight directly in their faces.

All three dropped their junk food stash, throwing their hands in the air, screaming like banshee's.

Clam, freaking out, grabbed the closest thing he could get his sticky hands on, which was a rock, and threw it at the slug who didn't possess the reflexes to duck quick enough. This resulted into temporarily knocking the assistant out, he falling limp the second the hard object slammed between his eye stocks.

Lazlo was the first to calm down, soon realizing they weren't under attack; leaping to the assistants rescue by preventing his rhino friend from pelting any more rocks. "It's okay guys, it's just Slinkman."

"And again, I scream. AHH!" Raj tried to hide his tongue, pleading of how he didn't want to lick the toilets.

Their superior, with Lazlo helping him up, stumbled a bit trying to regain his balance. When he achieved this, he mounted a very disappointed scowl in place, "You three know not to be out after dark. And even then, you aren't allowed to go outside the camp without supervision."

"But we got the junk food munchies." Raj whimpered.

"Munchies." Squeaked Clam.

"Plus, we wanted to see the new Den mother at Acorn Flats." Came the monkey, bubbling to recount last nights events to anyone that would listen.

Slinkman tapped an irritable foot, sighing at the eager faces these children held. Would they never learn they weren't welcomed among normal society any more? No matter how many times he explained this to them, even in the most simplest terms of what _would _happen if they got caught, they still ventured forth without a care in the world.

Nothing ever sank into their thick little skulls.

Even though they were harmless children and posed no real threat, Slinkman was positive the feeling wasn't mutual for the Prickly Pine residence. He still had to punish the Jelly cabin for their disobedience, whipping out his clipboard to assign them latrine cleaning duties… again.

"Ooooh, do we have to?" Raj moaned, receiving a stern glare from the sleep depraved slug. "Yes, you have to. And you will continue to until you all learn _not _to disturb the locals. If they catch you, who's to say they wont shot you next time… or worse… perform inhuman experiments to see what makes you tick."

"But we didn't bother anyone."

"Nope. Not bother."

Slinkman let his shoulders sag while guiding them to the toilets. "Look, I know you boys wouldn't hurt a fly, but other people… well… they don't take kindly to talking animals." He handed them the rubber suits (that had their names on it), along with scrubbers and disinfectant. "So if you could be good little scouts and stay in Camp Kidney, it would really help."

The crest fallen expressions tugged a few of Slinkman's heartstrings, making the assistant reach out to pat their wilting shoulders, "Hey now, no sad faces, 'kay. Everything'll be okay."

"But how can it be okay when our very normality rides on Lumpus?" Raj whimpered.

"Er… well, miracles happen every day. Don't lose faith, boys. We have to stay positive… for everyone's sake." The slug wished with all his might he could take his own advice.

However, Lazlo was the first to perk up, turning to his fellow cabin mates excitedly, "Yeah. We just have to be optimistic. Lumpus could fall in love today with Jane."

"Who?"

Raj shed a huge grin, speaking very loudly, "Ms. Doe. She's the new Den mother at Acorn Flats. She's reeeeally pretty." The elephant poked his elbow suggestively into Slinkman's ribs, "And she's really nice too."

"Pretty." Clam screamed; the Jelly Bean scouts conveniently leaving out the part about her wielding a metal bat against them.

Some other scouts, who had been in the process of going to the restrooms, stopped to ease drop. When ever love or spell breaking was mentioned, everyone stopped what they were doing to listen.

Ping Pong, the tallest loon, inquired about the Den mother's appearance.

Lazlo struck a feminine pose, batting his eyes as he began recounting her exterior, "She's got loooong lashes that flutter like this." Flutter flutter. "Blond, shoulder length hair that goes verip at the end-" the monkey made a curly motion to the strange sound effect - "and a greeeeeeat big smile."

Raj was next in describing, strutting in a circle like a girly girl; his rubber suit making farting sounds along the way, "She walks like this, and talks like this," his rendition of her voice not at all similar.

"She swings bat like this." Clam took a scrubber and whacked Edward upside the head, earning a few laughs at the platypus's expense.

"You guys just have to see her for yourself." Lazlo squealed excitedly, riling up the other scouts who also wanted to see this attractive sounding Den mother.

"She certainly sounds attractive." Dave said with a smile, earning more positive feed back from his peers. "Maybe Scoutmaster Lumpus should meet her." Chip added.

Samson was the next to talk, grumbling, "But when has Lumpus ever stepped foot out of camp? He's to busy sleeping in his lawn chair to notice anything."

"The fur ball's right. We have a better chance in walking on water than getting that fatheaded bozo breaking this curse." Edward groused, seeming to kill everyone's hopes on the spot.

Slinkman, seeing all their expressions turn dour and not liking his campers to be depressed any more than usual, quickly waved his arms around to catch the boys attentions, "Now, now, scouts. Lets not worry about things we cant help. There's still a big, bright, beautiful day ahead… and anything's possible."

"But-"

"I said anything's possible!" And the slug meant it. He pointed for Lazlo and his bunch to get started on their punishment while the others were directed to the Mess Hall for breakfast.

The scouts trudged their way to the cafeteria doors, passing a still drowsy Lumpus on their way. The moose yawned into his hand, stretching a little to get the kinks out from last nights tossing and turning. He never got very much sleep, at least not in his bed. There were always to many things running in his mind, turning dreams into nightmares; keeping him awake until morning came and the only rest he received was when he couldn't keep his eyes open. Perhaps it also had something to do with being a nocturnal creature.

Some Bean scouts gave emotionless "good morning's" to their groggy Scoutmaster while most ignored him all together. Lumpus didn't mind the aloofness, preferring that rather than hearing complaints. And speaking of complainers, he noticed Slinkman dutifully stand beside him, informing the Scoutmaster that the missing scouts had been located and properly dealt with. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Are they cleaning with their tongues as I promised?"

"That's immoral, sir."

"Tough love, Slinkman. It never fails."

Slinkman just stood there for a minute, speechless, until sighing to himself, uttering a soft, "Yes, sir. I'll schedule that for the next time."

"See that you do. Now… lets get some grub. I'm starving."

The adults barely entered the cafeteria when all chattered ceased at once. A dozen pair of eyes turned to Lumpus, each watching him warily, the gossip spreading about Acorn Flats newest resident.

The Scoutmaster gradually began to slow his steps, feeling a little awkward as the stares persisted. "Slinkman, do I have something on my face?"

"Maybe you're just funny to look at." The assistant mumbled, covering his joke with a shake when his boss glared at him. "Then why are they looking at me?"

"I don't know, sir. Perhaps it has something to do with the Jelly cabins findings last night."

Lumpus took up a tray, becoming annoyed at the eerie silence that was never found in Camp Kidney. "Did they find a dead body? Preferably Acorn Flat's last Den mother." He smirked at that idea, having hated the woman very much after their brief, and unforgettable, encounter. She had mistaken him for a regular moose when he took his annual trip to see his General grandfathers old war site. But their meeting ended with a few gun pellets in his rear, his grandpa's tent destroyed and the lady being flung a good hundred yards by his antlers.

As fun as it was to send her air borne, the recovery time for his butt had been what else? A pain in the butt.

Slinkman giggled remembering that, "No, sir. They… ahem… saw the new Den mother."

"How exciting." Lumpus grumbled sarcastically.

"They say she's pretty." The slug hid behind his tray when Lumpus snorted. "So was the last one… until she shot me."

The Scoutmaster carried his bread and gravy to the adult table, still seeming to be the center focus for the scouts. "Stop looking at me!" he bellowed, slamming his tray down and spilling his breakfast all over the place.

The scouts immediately turned away.

"Eat your food or I'll eat it for you!"

The scouts quickly dug in, shoveling in mouthfuls at a time for they knew their Scoutmaster _would _steal their meal. He was known to do so before and was bound to today since his was splattered everywhere. And, like they had predicted, the moment Slinkman sat his food down, Lumpus changed out their plates.

Edward turned to his bunk mates, hushing his voice- though not enough to go unheard - whispering, "We're doomed to be like this forever. He's never gonna change."

"Yeah," Samson groaned into his drink, "That Doe lady probably wouldn't like him either."

Their Scoutmaster tried to block out the constant chatter that had his name plastered all over it. But his tolerance could hold for only so long. He shoved as much food as he could down his throat, wanting to eat and leave A.S.A.P. before he became tempted to strap a camper into his trusty, brand spankin new catapult.

Slinkman poked around in the messy puddle, taking his boss's attention off the scouts conversations, "I'm sure Commander Hoo-Haw wont allow her to quit like the last ones."

"I wonder if he's sleeping with this one too."

"Sir! Not in front of the scouts."

A naughty smirk crossed Lumpus's face. "Come on, we know it's true."

"Be that as it may, the scouts don't need to hear you talk about that stuff."

"It's not like they're paying attention." They both looked towards the boys who were staring strait back at them. The Scoutmaster fumbled with his next words, especially when Skip said, "I sleep with my brother sometimes."

Lumpus immediately stood, frustrated and tired, throwing his hands in the air, shouting, "I cant take this. I'm goin back to bed. Slinkman, if anything happens… don't bother me about it." And with that he stomped out the doors, heading back to his cabin.

Yet halfway there… he stopped.

His eyes slowly traveled across the camp, upon the docks until sliding along the sparkling water surface. A colorful speck sat at a distance, this being Acorn Flats, and with the knowledge he now possessed, Lumpus had to admit his interest was a little peeked regarding the Den mother's facade. So, instead of going back to his lumpy bed, Lumpus made a detour for the Look-Out tower.

When he reached the tip top, he took up the binoculars, scanning the lake, spotting the tiny, energetic Squirrel scouts that could never see him. The illusion the spirits placed was one that showed Camp Kidney unanimated, practically in ruins. But he could see the girls that frolicked in Acorn Flats just fine. That sounded a little perverted.

He searched for this new Den mother everyone was so excited about, looking at the Food Terrace, then the cabins, until finally settling on the dock where, to his astonishment, the woman was fishing bare foot.

He zoomed the binoculars a little more, trying to focus on this Jane person best he could. "She certainly is attractive from a distance," he mumbled, details blurred for one so far away.

Lumpus leant forward a little, leaning his stomach against the wooden rail, seeing the blond female cast into the lake. From what he could make out, she was attempting to teach two Squirrel scouts how to fish. He laughed a little to see she was also teaching herself since she would refer to a book whenever the girls asked her a question. "Not bad looking at all."

"Who sir?" Slinkman stood right behind him, scaring the be-jesus out of his boss. Lumpus fumbled with the binoculars, eventually dropping them down to the ground below. "I was… uh… nothing. I wasn't looking at no one. Er… what are you doing up here?"

Slinkman smiled sheepishly, holding out the telescope, "You stormed off rather suddenly, and without wanting a second helping. I thought… you might be feeling under the weather, sir." Both men knew that was a lie, the moose snatching the telescope to return his focus on the Den mother across the lake. "I'm fine, go away."

"I know, sir. But I had to ask-"

"I also said not to disturb me, didn't I?"

Slinkman nodded, fiddling with his clipboard. "Yes, but I've… the scouts and I have…"

Lumpus gave a groan, "Spit it out already."

The slug felt sweat begin to bead down his non-existent neck. He fretted his lip, withdrawing a deep breath before speaking, "The scouts have been feeling a little… sad."

"And that's my problem _why_?"

"Well, you're the Scoutmaster. I thought we could arrange a hiking trip to lift their spirits. Or maybe organize a party of some sort."

There was a long pause. And then, a very sharp, "No."

"But sir, the scouts need something to get their minds off the curse."

"They can roll around in the mud for all I care."

This didn't amuse Slinkman, he making this known with his peeved stare. "With all do respect, sir-"

"I'm sure the scouts will be fine, Slinkman. Now, go away and don't bother me. Cant you see I'm busy."

Again, Slinkman only glared. The assistant stood rigidly in place, silently fuming. He was getting increasingly frustrated with his boss's inconsiderate nature. It was bad before but now… now he simply disregarded everyone's feelings; especially the ill treated Bean scouts. And to make matters worse, the slug had caught a glimpse of the hourglass only a few days ago and - though he wouldn't share this information with the scouts - he was flabbergasted to see how much sand remained at the top.

Not a lot.

Time was steadily running out.

Why Lumpus hadn't announced this sooner the slug would never know. For, when no more sand fell, Lumpus was as dead as a door nail and they all were doomed in their current forms forever.

Apparently, that didn't bother the Scoutmaster. Or if it did, he never showed it. In fact, Slinkman assumed he was looking forward to his demise since he never did anything to prevent it. _To think, all's he has to do is fall in love and he can't even do that_! Slinkman raged, _We could all be free to return to our families and he refuses to even try_!

It was almost to much for the slug to handle, he finding his patience over the years ebbing. "Sir, before I go, I would like to know one thing."

"Shoot."

"Do you even remotely care at all what happens to the scouts?" If the answer was no, Slinkman was fully prepared to take matters into his own hands.

Lumpus waved off his assistants question, which seemed answer enough. Slinkman was severally disappointed with his boss, feeling betrayed, just like the campers. "Be that way, sir. You leave me little choice." He whispered the last part, hastily climbing back down to the ground.

He had made a promise to the boys long ago and he refused to go back on his word now. "They'll get to see their families again…" the defiant slug hissed, "and I plan on making that happen, starting today!"

* * *

A/N- Weeeeew. I'm beat. All that writing wore me out. This isn't over, not by a long shot. The next chapter update shouldn't take me too long but... the way this world works "Anything that can go wrong, will." So just keep your fingers crossed. 


	5. The Wrong Girl

**Yay, an update. The new chapter 2 and 3 are up so I advise everyone to read those before this chapter... though it really doesn't matter if you do or not. It's just a way to get a much broader picture on Jane's actual purpose on being in Acorn Flats and her "rivalry" with Ms. Mucus.

* * *

**

**Chapter 5**

"**The wrong girl"**

_The next day…_

_Fourth times the charm_, Jane kept repeating to herself, taking a deep breath, sinking her foot into the stirrup and straining her muscles to hoist herself onto the horses back. This time she put less force into throwing her leg over the saddle, winding her arms around the mares neck when she lowered her rump.

She silently thanked the little palomino for being so patient with her, trembling in fear she would land rump first in the dirt again if she wasn't careful. But her luck improved there for a second, allowing the Den mother enough time to steady her nerves and sit straight up in victory. "T-t-there. That w-wasn't so hard."

Nina hid a chuckle behind her hand, eventually applauding the woman who, apparently, never rode a horse before. "Now that you're on, think you can ride her around?"

That sounded easy enough… until she nudged the horse onward and found the motion very bizarre. Enough so she wobbled horribly, nearly falling off once again.

The hair on the back of her neck soon rose when she heard a cruel snicker emerge behind her. Jane hesitantly glanced over her shoulder, cheeks reddening, not at all surprised to see Ms. Mucus standing there, like she usually did, shaking her head mockingly, dressed combat style with a rifle perched in one arm. "Was'ah matter, city gal? Country life to much for ya's to handle?"

"N-no, no. Just trying to get situated is all."

"Funny, here I thought you was hired to teach them girls ta be graceful or what-not. _Not _how to fall on their rumps like ninnies." The bulky assistant snorted, sending Jane to blush even deeper.

"We're not ninnies. She is." Gretchen defensively pointed to the blond, sending Mucus to smirk at the embarrassed scrunch Jane fell in. "It don't take a genius to figure _that _out." She sneered, turning towards the forest before her superior could reprimand her for the insult.

Patsy gave a good punch into her friends arm, growling under her breath, "Whatcha say that for?"

"It's true." Gretchen grumbled, rubbing the sore spot.

"So, you didn't have to point it out."

Gretchen merely grunted, quickly taking the lead ahead of everyone (mostly to avoid looking at the hurt Den mother), followed by the equally impatient Patsy, leaving Nina with the duty to stay behind and comfort the now somber woman's pride.

But Jane, despite being made a fool, was determined not to let their words eat at her. She'd show them all that though she hailed from the concrete jungle, she wouldn't give up on learning the ways of the backwoods.

No, she'd make this work… and keep her promise to Commander Hoo-Haw on domesticating the unruly Squirrel scouts.

Jane turned back to look at where her irritable assistant had disappeared to, quirking a brow curiously towards the reasons behind Musus's attire and attitude change. "Um… Nina? Can I ask you a question or two?"

"Go ahead."

"Uh, yeah, it's about Rubella Mucus. Why was she-"

"She always goes hunting this time of day. Mostly setting traps incase the mutated animals are lurking about."

"You mean to tell me she believes in those creatures too?"

"Everyone around Prickly Pines does." The lanky scout retorted, "We weren't pulling your leg about their existence. If I see any tracks, I'll be more than happy to point them out to you."

Jane fidgeted a bit in her saddle, wobbling still and needing to grab onto Nina to right herself. She felt even more embarrassed now, batting her lashes trying to reaffirm her slowly ebbing confidence, "Well… alright. I'll take your word for it."

"Good, cus I'm scarcely ever wrong about anything."

"C'mon, you slow pokes. I haven't got all day to hear you two yammer. We've got tracks to make… if you can stay on the horse that is." Gretchen shouted, earning a jab in the ribs by Patsy again. "Will you lay off, she's never been riding before."

"So. I wasn't _that _bad when I first started. And besides, she's the Den mother. She's suppose to know how to do all this stuff to begin with."

"You're not helping matters by insulting her." Both girls stared each other down, followed by bickers, forcing Nina to mumble, "Here they go again."

"Oh… Um, girls? You two really shouldn't-"

The tall nerdy scout held up a hand to stop Jane before she began, "It's best to let them work it out among themselves. I doubt they're listening to anything but the others insults anyway."

"But I feel I should put a stop to it. Friends shouldn't fight amongst themselves."

Nina let out an amused snort, "Oh, I wouldn't worry none about them _or _their friendship. They have thick skins, and even thicker skulls. I say let them be. They'll patch things up here in a bit and everything will fall back to normal… as normal as those two can be." Nina gave an all knowing grin, "Didn't you ever argue with your friends over silly stuff?"

"No, not really." The older woman didn't mention that her "friends" were the fair-weather type and made most of the decisions when their busy lives settled down enough to include her in it.

True enough, Jane had never been considered the popular girl, not even with her well polished peppy can-do attitude. She had mostly been referred to as the cheery, reliable person. The designated driver. The straight arrow. Well… straight up until that little tryst two months ago. _Should've known office relationships don't last_.

Silly, gullible Jane. That's what her coworkers had snickered.

Nothing like kicking a dead horse while it's down.

They had contributed to her choice on leaving, since she knew she would never be allowed to live her one selfish decision down. Thus she retreated to as far as she could, taking the first job that said yes to hiring her.

Acorn Flats.

Jane wasn't paying much attention to anything but her thoughts and the beauty that lay within nature..

Jane figured there would be things she was bound to miss in Citiville, namely the restaurants, but there were also things she was beginning to love about Acorn Flats; such as the girls and staff.

She sighed distantly, starting to feel content for the first time in her life… even if she had to endure listening to childish squabbles. In truth, it made her feel _more _welcomed.

The two feisty scouts, who had regurgitated a whole slew of name-calling, simmered down when they ran out of things to scream at the other; eventually apologizing, like Nina had predicted, and chattering giddily amongst themselves and even including Jane's opinions into the conversation.

_This is starting out to be a great new home_.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What are we doing here again?" Skip asked in his most quiet voice, hiding in the bushes with Edward and his brother.

The ever grumpy platypus slapped a few flies from his face, growling irritably under his breath. How many times did he have to explain the plan to these nitwits? And why did he _always _get stuck with the idiot patrol?

"Slinkman sent us here to sack the Den mother and bring her back to camp. How hard is that to remember?"

"Oh yeah." Chip beamed, having his mouth quickly covered for being to loud.

"Shut up, you morons. Do I have to rip your lips off and shove them where the sun don't shine to keep you quiet? If she hears us we'll never be able to catch her off guard."

"Why do we have to sack her?" Skip inquired, giving the burlap sack a good shake for emphasis, then putting it over his head, losing all train of thought. "Hey, this bag smells like potatoes."

"Can't we just ask her over?" Chip thought out loud.

Edward slapped his head again, this time in frustration. "Do you honestly think some pretty girl is gonna willingly come over to a camp filled with freaks… to fall in love with Lumpus no less?"

"Uh-"

"No! _That's _why we have to nab'er and run. Keep her under lock and key until she complies to our demands. No food. No bathroom breaks. Nothin till we get what we want, ka-peesh?"

The Dungs, still not understanding, nodded in unison just to shut Edward up. "And what do we want again?"

"GAH! To break the curse!!"

"So when do we grab her?"

"When she goes by!"

"And when's that, its to dark to see?" Skip trying to peer through the bag.

Edward banged his head against a rock, nabbing the sack in annoyance. "You pee brains! Stay FOCUSED!!!"

The dung brothers both threw their dirty hands over the platypus's beak, shushing him. "You'll scare off the prey."

"And we'll have to rip off your lips and shove them up your butt."

While the two blathering idiots kept lecturing _him_, Edward spotted the Squirrel scouts approaching, his eyes growing wide. He pointed as the girls neared, still unable to speak. He waved his arms wildly to catch the dungs attentions, finally managing to break free long enough to scream, "GET HER, BOYS!!!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All four girls turned their heads in every direction, pulling their horses to an abrupt stop. The once docile palomino reared back on her hind quarters, thrashing her front legs wildly in the air due to Jane's inexperience.

This bucking immediately sent the woman to dangle, then plummet to the ground in a dust cloud, counting her lucky stars when she barely avoided being trampled by the kicking and whickering beast.

Jane's eyes burned from the uprising dust, causing her to choke and sneeze, swatting to clear the area around her face and see what exactly was going on. The only thing she could remotely make out were two bulky figures that flew out of nowhere, being only purple blurs that slapped a large sack over the head of… Gretchen?

The perplexed woman quickly came to her feet, fists clenched, looking back at the other shrieking girls. Nothing seemed to be attacking them though; they being startled and confused like she.

Pandemonium ensued, people screaming, Gretchen cursing profoundly and Jane unable to do much while her eyes stung and her body wracked in sneezing fits.

"You stupid lugs!" came a loud boom next to her.

The adult turned to see who exactly that voice belonged to, flabbergasted when her vision cleared to reveal a strange beaver-thing next to her, pointing angrily as he shouted, "You've got the wrong girl! That's not the Den mother." His words were not heard by the purple creatures. They had already tied the bag and were hightailing it back into the dense Prickly Pine forest, leaving their cohort forgotten.

Edward grumbled many foul words under his breath, shaking in fury. But his sour attitude soon twisted in fear when he looked up at the much bigger human woman glaring down at him. He gulped, then darted after his companions, hollering, "Wait for me, guys!"

Jane… was… speechless.

That animal had talked.

_**Talked**_

It had also revealed that _she _was the one they were after. _But why_, she wondered, her mind rounding back in disbelief that it had talked!

Her body was incapable of movement, save for wiping at the moisture running down her face. She didn't know what to do. Was this considered an animal attack? A kidnapping? BOTH?!! Did she go for help or give chase to save her scout? _Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, what do I do?! I haven't read far enough into the handbook._

Her indecision soon fled when she heard Gretchen still hollering for help - a fierce protectiveness consuming her frame. Jane mentally kicked herself for those precious seconds she had stood there and done nothing, turning to the remaining Nina and Patsy, "You two go back for help. I'm going after those… those…."

"Mutated animals." Patsy offered.

Jane nodded, not caring what to call them and not wanting to admit she had been wrong about the creatures existence. She turned and raced into the thick foliage without further thought, trying to follow the guttural threats Gretchen screamed at the top of her lungs. It seemed that became the only way for the inexperienced woman to pursue them, for she knew absolutely nothing about tracking.

She got only so far before she could no longer hear but distant echos. Her heart pounded loudly between her ears, making her strain to make out any sound beyond her heavy panting.

There was nothing.

Jane turned her head, leaning upon a tree to catch her breath. "God, I'm out of shape. Gretchen!"

No answer.

"Greeeeetchen!!"

Still nothing… other than Nina grabbing her shoulder.

Jane nearly leapt out of her skin, angered to see her scouts disobey to help give chase. And on foot no less. "You two… were supposed to… get help." She gasped between breaths.

"We couldn't let you take on those monsters by yourself." Patsy said, looking towards Nina, "If they got Gretchen so easily, we knew you wouldn't stand a chance by yourself."

_Gee, thanks_. Jane wanted to mutter, turning to Nina who was the only one with enough sense to look a little guilty for disobeying. "I can't have you two get hurt, too. And what about the horses?"

"They know their way back to camp and, no offense Ms. Doe, we stand a better chance than you out here. We actually know how to track." The tallest scout whispered hesitantly, earning a rather peeved glare. Yet the Den mother didn't argue, aware the girls were right. To be honest, Jane felt rather useless right about now.

So, unable to persuade these stubborn girls to retreat, and not wanting to waste precious time arguing for a useless cause, she defeatedly pointed, "Lead the way then."

They may be putting themselves in danger, but Jane wasn't about to let any more harm come to _her _girls. She instantly yanked at a large branch from the tree, anger and desperation giving her strength, breaking it off to use as a make-shaft club.

It wasn't all that sturdy but it would have to do because she planned on knocking those beast's into last Tuesday.


End file.
